Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems XV

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Alien [1979]

if you are going into space i think that you should leave your cat at home, he does not need the stress

demiadejuyigbe

tag yourself: I’m the one who’s literally risking their own life to find a cat

leeyim

imagine a version of this where everything is exactly the same, except “the sound of silence” plays every time the alien appears

deathproof

The Thing [1982]

would i trust kurt russell with my life? absolutely
would i trust kurt russell with my dog? not a chance in hell

jay

my dog: *looks at me*

me: how do i know you’re not……… The Thing (1982)

ghouliasyelps

a bit of a downer to watch this before embarking on a trip to Antarctica with my boys tomorrow

kurstboy

Umma [2022]

Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah
Umma-umma-ma
Gaga, ooh la-la

jackbool96

I’m sorry but that was the longest hour 23 minutes of my life.

messiejessie

Traumatized horror movie moms be like I AM YOUR MOTHER!” *gets possessed by some evil manifestation of their trauma*

mahmus

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems XIV

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Bo Burnham: The Inside Outtakes [2022]

guess who just cry to a song about chicken

aithedramaqueen

i know girlies with mental illness will eat this up

villenel

inside is his folklore and this is his evermore

thescarletswtch

Pig [2021]

babe 2: nick in the city

jay

Pigatouille

letmeexplain

Haven’t felt this much tension during a dinner scene since Shrek 2 (2004)

schaffrillas

Just Like Heaven [2005]

I’m scared of ghosts but I want what they have.

jennifer_1

The only film in history to be adorable while somehow containing a euthanasia subplot.

quantumpotpie

they took being ghosted to a whole new level

chylerleigh

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems XIII

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Scream 3 [2000]

somehow the scariest moment in this movie was when carrie fisher appeared and said she wasn’t carrie fisher

eely

the real victim in this movie was courtney cox’s hair

hauteprincesses

“He was making a movie called Stab. He was stabbed.”
You simply cannot argue with detective work like this

rickdeckard

Scream 4 [2011]

if i had seen hayden panettiere in this in 2011 i would have been a lot clearer about my sexuality a lot sooner

estefansky

ghostface said i support gay rights gay rights to fucking die

beffrsunset

no cops at pride just sidney prescott and her defibrillator

filmgraphy

The Mummy [1999]

*Americans sell out gun stores mid-coronavirus*

“Idiots.”

*Brendan Fraser shoots whirling sandstorm*

“Hot.

magnafarta

Brendan Fraser is BORN HIMBO. All he does in this is look hot, fight, and love and respect Rachel Weisz

phoebejl

I like that the Mummy’s #1 superpower is the ability to make his lower jaw like two feet long

patrickhwillems

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems XII

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


You’re Next [2011]

erin went sicko mode on this one

suspirliam

the line “fuck me next to your dead mom then” outsold anything that mark twain ever wrote

ilyclemmie

This and Ready or Not are girlfriends

sapphicquinn

Benedetta [2021]

kind of wish i never watched this movie but also, good to know that jesus was a he/him lesbian

slayer420

I just know that if this was distributed by a24 they would already be selling $40 hand carved wooden virgin mary dildos

sapphicquinn

if someone gave me 20 million dollars to make my fetish lesbian nun porn at least i would try to make it good

elementarii

Scream 2 [1997]

shrek 2 would’ve ended that film theory class debate QUICK

lautengcokj

sidney’s boyfriends are always ugly :/ all i am saying is that scream would be better if sidney was gay and in love with me :/

yeshomo

No cops at pride just Courtney Cox and Neve Campbell with their guns

ingridgoeswest

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems XI

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Ammonite [2020]

why does ammonite feel like somebody watched an earlier cut of ammonite and wrote unfinished fanfiction about it

sapphical

draw me like one of your fossils

exmichina

no chemistry just geology

yazzjames

The Night House [2020]

Adding half star for having a character’s phone be on a charger while they sleep instead of just keeping it disconnected on the night stand like a sociopath.

brianwcollins

for a moment i thought she’s gonna fuck the ghost like tori spelling in scary movie 2

nadinessie

jump scares should be illegal honestly

suspirliam

My Girl [1991]

I did this to myself and now I have to accept the consequences.

sunset99

I remember the buzz about this movie. A childhood throwback that is the bee’s knees.

spinal_trap

me after watching the bee movie (2007): protect all bees, even the ones who fall in love with humans

me after watching this: fuck bees. they can all choke, especially you, barry b. benson

willhunting

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems X

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Venom [2018]

venom really betrayed his entire species for one white boy… relatable

letterboxd user dirtgrub

this… is a romantic comedy

letterboxd user tototoro

fellas is it gay to literally occupy your bros body?

letterboxd user annreinking

Don’t Look Up [2021]

oscar-worthy performance by leo pretending to like women his own age

letterboxd user apple__

they looked up 😔

letterboxd user suspirliam

If the Gal Gadot “Imagine” video was 3 hours long.

letterboxd user mhoffman23

Don’t Breathe 2 [2021]

(content warning: rape mention)

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure that a child’s heart is too small for a fully grown adult to have put in their chest

letterboxd user zaragwen

There’s a scene in this where the blind guy is like I’m a murdering rapist maniac stay away from me!!!! To the little girl and she’s like NOOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU 🥺 and and the only other person in the theater went “give me a fucking break” and i laughed out loud so that sums up this movie

letterboxd user hereditary

The blind guy is such a sympathetic character who just wants a second chance at being a father; and when an opportunity was presented in front of him, he was blinded by his own desire to fill the void in his heart that only a daughter can fix. Truly sympathetic. What a nice a guy. He deserves a second chance. He likes dogs.

I wonder what he did in the first movie tho better go check it out brb
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

letterboxd user ethan_mateo

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems IX

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Midnight Mass [2021]

haven’t been to church in a while, maybe i should go

letterboxd user cilliansheart

you’re telling me no one in this town has read twilight?

letterboxd user flowerbookmark

Oh it’s the island that makes you young. Get wrecked Shyamalan.

letterboxd user ethan_mateo

Dune [2021]

mf named PAUL

letterboxd user tototoro

Oops! I fucked a witch and now our son has anxiety

letterboxd user bernieandbust

This worm eating 10 tons of sand just to swallow a person feels like if I drank an entire aquarium just to eat a goldfish.

letterboxd user rylanfilms

A Quiet Place Part II [2021]

why do they wanna live this badly

letterboxd user gayartkid

got real scared cillian and millicent were gonna kiss

letterboxd user parkerblake

I relate to the creatures in A Quiet Place because I too want everyone to shut the fuck up.

letterboxd user madfrieza

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems VIII

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


The Resort [2021]

about 75 minutes too long.

letterboxd user waynewright

the best thing about this was that it was only and hour 15 

the worst thing about this was that it was made

letterboxd user werodiinero

they spent literally half of the movie just getting to the resort

letterboxd user iovewitch

Candyman [1992]

If Candyman was real I would simply just not say his name 5 times in the mirror 😌

letterboxd user sapphicquinn

candyman’s catchphrase really should have been “i am beesed to meet you”

letterboxd user jay

Tony Todd’s voice is the 8th Wonder of the World

letterboxd user patrickhwillems

Malignant [2021]

maybe the real parasitic professor quirrell gemini brother was the friend we made along the way

letterboxd user tarantulini

and they were wombmates

letterboxd user jay

Idk guys, this seemed pretty benign to me.

letterboxd user billgriff

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems VII

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Palm Springs [2020]

everyday i wake up

letterboxd user jay

cristin milioti saying suck my dick officer bitch… yeah ❤️

letterboxd user murielcampos

I honestly and truly cannot think of a single better scenario than being stuck in an endless time loop with Andy Samberg and zero responsibilities

letterboxd user smimcknnn

I Care a Lot [2020]

ladies when we said “be gay, do crime” we didn’t mean elder abuse

letterboxd user emily5000

Now there’s another rich white blonde gay female supervillain apart from Ellen.

letterboxd user rendyjones

“Do you think Marla Grayson had girl power?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

”Do you think she effectively utilized girl power by taking advantage of and stealing from the elderly?”

letterboxd user marooncrimson

Hereditary [2018]

J Walter Weatherman: “And that, kids, is why you always carry your epipen with you!”

letterboxd user iamyorasset

paul rudd? i only know 1 antman and its alex wolff

letterboxd user jay

yo the dad was getting LIT 👋😝👋

                                                      🔥

                                                      🔥

                                                      🔥

                                                     👞👞

letterboxd user ellefnning

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook

Movie Reviews, Not Books

Letterboxd Gems VI

Hi everyone! Time for another edition of Letterboxd Gems. As a reminder: every so often I’ll post particularly funny or entertaining Letterboxd reviews from movies I’ve seen recently. If you’ve never heard of Letterboxd, it’s like Goodreads but for movies (feel free to add me if you’d like!) and there are plenty of interesting reviews. I’ll usually sift through them after seeing a film, which is how I got the idea to share them! A lot of these reviews will have spoilers, so feel free to skip through only to films you’ve already seen if you’d like to avoid being spoiled.


Evil Dead II [1987]

not a phone in sight, just Bruce Campbell screaming like a madman

letterboxd user uncutgems

everyone talks about the “groovy” line but when ash points a gun to the camera and says “swallow this” i can feel my soul leave my body

letterboxd user elementarii

the SECOND ‘a farewell to arms’ came into frame, it was 5 stars

letterboxd user kurstboy

Host [2020]

the awkward elbow bump they did to remain social distanced while being attacked by demons was the funniest shit i’ve seen in my life

letterboxd user mank

unfriended (2014): who are you?
host (2020): i’m you, but stronger

letterboxd user filmgraphy

Nobody:

Literally not a single soul:

Jemma: I’m going to create an environment that is so haunted

letterboxd user sapphicquinn

Searching [2018]

Bieber concert (confirmed)

letterboxd user lillfer

david moving “margot_fathersday.mp4” to trash and then emptying the trash was the saddest shit ever

letterboxd user namelessvero

if someone tried to facetime me i would call the cops too

letterboxd user minick

Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook